I have written my blog for years about positivity. Seeing the life lessons or positivity in something. And I have to say while I live that 95% of my life. Some days, it just sucks. So if you are having a shitty few weeks, I feel ya. And I get it. And I am sure some of you are going through much harder times.

 

We have been looking for a house for 5 months and we just lost another one to someone who outbid us. We lost it over a stupid term we put in our contract that we did not even know was going to be an issue. I literally feel like it has become my full time job looking for houses and we cannot find one that works and we actually get. Deals have fallen through, we have been outbid, and we have had so many highs and lows. And of course, I have taken on the majority of the work around this. A self elected choice that I am now getting resentful over with no real fair justification for my resentment.

 

And we had an unsuccessful 2^nd round of IVF with no embryos to show for it after $20k of my savings going down the drain. I’m starting my 3^rd round now but my body is exhausted. And so if my bank account!! I’m over needles after giving myself over 110 shots so far. I’m over all the extra weight and bloating with nothing to show except people starting to ask if I am pregnant. I’m over 100s of hours at the doctor and vaginal ultrasounds every other day. My veins are shot from blood draws.

 

And my job is insanely busy with no end in sight and as the boss—everyone (literally everyone) wants something from you or has accidentally screwed something up that you then need to help fix with patience and a smile.

 

I realize we are healthy, I have a good job/income, and in the grand scheme of things, this is not that bad. But honestly right now, I just want to scream and punch a punching bag until I am exhausted.

 

Is anyone else out there feeling this way?!! AHHH!!!!

 

I will read these quotes in the morning, regroup, and get back my positive attitude back being grateful for my life. Nevertheless, for a few hours, I am boycotting my life and complaining. I am yelling into my pillow. Then I will stop acting like a crazy person and regroup. Who else is with me? I need a mini meltdown to regroup.