* Courtesy of my iphone during a hike in Hiketober

Control is so interesting to me. According to many things I read, people’s basic psychological needs include the need to feel secure, to feel good at what they do, to be loved, to feel connected to others, and to have a strong sense of control. (quoted in my happiness journal as well). And often times when we are out of control, our life is spinning and we lose ourselves. Yet, if we control everything, often your life spins as well. Control can destroy things too.  It is a very fine line.

The newness of something or the unexpected is often what renews us, excites us, and opens our hearts and minds. Yet in order to have those unexpected moments you have to let go of control. You can’t be a perfectionist or you miss the unexpected non-perfect joys.

If you try to control your partner, friend, family, or loved one, you lose them. If you let them control you, you resent them. Yet our nature is to control as much as possible so that we feel safe.

I am a planner. And so are many people I know. Not always in the traditional sense of planning our day or thinking out the next week (although I do that too). But thinking about the future. What it will be like, how we will plan for marriage, kids, what support we will need, our financial plans, etc. That is all planning and making sure you have control over next steps to a certain extent. But if you reign it in so closely it will stop you from taking leaps. And what is the fun of life without some moments where you don’t have any idea of how you will handle something but you do it anyway. Yet you can’t be irresponsible and do something you can’t afford, you don’t want once you understand the repercussions, etc. Again, a very fine line.

It all comes down to that word….balance.

What do you control in your life? Where is the balance off? What do you need to control more of? Your time? Your habits? Your actions? Where do you need to loosen control? Are you spontaneous? Are you too type A? Are you too type B?

Control. It is a tricky thing. It can give us order and satisfaction and sometimes happiness. It can also tear things apart. I have a love and hate relationship with control. I don’t think I have my balance right yet but I’m working on it.

Today I’m taking control of my time a bit more. I needed some alone time to cook, do laundry, listen to nothing (no music, no TV), read, and write. And it has completely refueled.

How are you with this word? Are you too controlling? If so, in what aspect of your life? And where do you need to regain some control?