I’ve been thinking a lot about home recently. And where is home to me as an adult? I have my childhood town….in a different home from when I grew up but still the same town. And my Dad and aunt are there. That feels like home when I’m back. I also have the cities I’ve lived in along the way as an adult. Some more than others felt like home when I was living there. And then I have our current condo…which is homey and also feels like home for the most part. And yet for a long time with all these options I was searching for that sense of something that really truly felt like my home. Why?
As I think more about this, I realize home (truly home) for me is where I have loved one’s close to me and also when I feel settled with my life. And that is why for so long I just couldn’t truly feel complete. I never fully allowed myself to feel established somewhere. I’ve always been thinking of my out. Whether in a relationship, or a city, or a job. I have never just fully settled in.
I’m good at making my physical space feel like home. I decorate and nest right in. But I always know, I may need to move. And outside of a few years in my early 30s, I’ve rented. Which means you will move. It is inevitable.
Now, after being in DC for five, going on 6yrs, I am finally starting to really think about nesting into the city, a relationship even further, and buying a home. And while it gives me a certain level of anxiety which is to be expected for me at this point, it is also exciting. It is comforting. It is feeling like a different sense of home. It is not feeliing like my family home, or my temporary home, but my own home. Our home potentially. And that feels good. It gives me a different kind of energy and refueling.
Ideally my family would live all around too, but that is not realistic. So for now, I’ll take where I’m at in my home journey.
What is home for you? Do you feel like you are searching or have it? And why?