refuelingforlife

With so much going in the world ….it is still hard to keep perspective sometime. You forgot how lucky you are by having some of the basics- a job, your health, a family, your life, a safe home to go back to,  etc. Most of us usually have most of the basics. Yet we get so caught up in all the day to day stress.

I worked a long intense day. I was really excited to get home to eat and work out. I have gained a few pounds lately and needed to get my act together and I was on a mission today. As soon as I got in the car, I hit traffic. I am very lucky to currently have a 25minute commute. Well tonight….lasted over 90minutes. Once I was rerouted several times due to blocked roads I was ready to scream with road rage. I thought it was usual DC blocked roads due to a political car brigade. However, when I finally saw what was going on, it was a 10 car pile up with some major car damage and lots of ambulances. And I immediately realized how lucky I was that that was not me or someone I loved in that situation. And I relaxed. So what, I missed my workout and made for a stressful long ride after a long day. It didn’t kill me. I’ll live. Don’t get me wrong….I was still grumpy. But it did put things in perspective and lighten my mood a bit. I got home and decided to try to accomplish something so the night didn’t feel like a waist– knocked off a few things on the chore list. Journaled. Went to bed too late. (I need to work on that still…getting more sleep). But for today….I kept it in perspective.  I was annoyed getting home at 9pm to eat dinner. But I’ll live. Tomorrow, I’ll get that work out in!

Until then…..thankful I get the opportunity to wake up and do it better tomorrow. Perspective. Good to keep it in check on stressful annoying days so you don’t ruin a day or damage a relationship taking it out on someone else. It is all relative. There is always someone better off and someone worse off.  And right now, with so much prejudice and violence, why do we get so annoyed/so much anxiety over such silly stuff like traffic, a few pounds, a stressful day at work, etc? I know it is human. However, if we spent (including me) as much energy on volunteering or helping others, as we do on annoyance, gossip, or bad moods….we could be changing the world.

I loved this quote when I saw it “Do not judge my story by the chapter you walked in on.” Most days we judge a person within seconds of meeting someone. And that judgment sticks. Yet, we don’t take the time to understand who that person is beyond that moment. To understand the whole book.

There is a woman who works the front desk at the condo building I live in. I see her every Saturday, she is quiet and comes across a little awkward. And I always just said hello but never talked to her. Today I walked in and asked her how her day was? First time I have ever actually asked her a question. And she had the most interesting response. She basically went on to say her son had gotten hurt this morning and she was thankful that he didn’t break his back after an ER visit. And she went on to talk about living in the moment and how your attitude and behavior makes it a good or bad day. Not the things around you or that happen to you. Because shit is going to happen. It is how you react to it. She was inspiring and also intelligent. And she totally surprised me.

I went to a seminar awhile back called Life is Simple by Wyatt Webb. And the point of his talk was that life really is simple. Each day and interaction and situation you have with someone…you are 50% responsible. You own your reactions/behaviors and mood. So he gave the following advice around the formula of life: 1) Pay attention to what you think 2) Pay attention to what you feel 3) 1+2= behavior. And your behavior is 100% in your control. He also noted that anger is a secondary response to fear, shame, and pain. So be aware of this behavior and what you are thinking and feeling. Don’t lose who you are by not being in tune to the behaviors you are exhibiting. And to me this also means, be aware when you are judging, when you are upset, angry, sad, happy, joyful, etc. (basically all emotions and behaviors)…and figure out why you are behaving in that way. And if you need to change it. It is okay to be angry or in a shitting mood sometimes. It doesn’t mean you always have to have the perfect behavior or feeling or thought. But at least understand so you can change it when needed.

So as I think about my behavior and the interactions I have with people I know or even complete strangers, I am aware of the mood and behavior I am projecting. Sometimes it is in direct correlation to their behavior, sometimes it is because of something that is on my mind or just experienced, and sometimes it is very conscious. I am trying to be more aware of my behavior and how it affects others. I won’t say it is a strength. Like most, it is hard not to be self-absorbed at times. But I’m working on it. And with that, I am reminding myself through this quote, everyone is in a chapter of their life. Sometimes it is a good chapter and sometimes it is a bad chapter. It doesn’t make up their whole life/book. I’ve had my bad chapters for sure. College was a bad one. I was in tough place in my life and I wasn’t at my best. I had more bad than good moments. But I’m in a pretty kick ass chapter right now!

So give people a chance. And give yourself a chance beyond this one chapter. And in that be aware of the behaviors you give to the world so you are writing your chapter in a way you want. And also not repeating the same story chapter over chapter. Even if the shit is happening around you, you can still write the chapter with some laughs, smiles, and good moments through your reactions and behaviors. And then keep living one day at a time and the pages will turn. New chapters will come and focus on the future. Don’t judge yourself or others for the past or one moment on the page of life.

I am doing a 5year happiness project. Each day for 5 years you write what you are thankful for each day. Just a sense of gratitude each day, as a way to remind yourself of all the reasons to be grateful. It is actually quite powerful and yet so simple. It heals and helps reduce stress. And helps keep things in perspective. 

There is a good quote by Buddha “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one which gets burned.” So instead of focusing on anger, resentment, envy, or jealousy….I am trying to focus on gratitude. And mindfulness and mediation. Some days are easier said than done. So this project each day of writing just one sentence is really helping me keep things in check. 

As part of this process I am also trying to focus on treating myself like a good friend. Listen, be kind and forgive yourself and others through the process of gratitude. I am finding being more lighthearted is work! It takes energy, generosity, and discipline (to others and to yourself) to lighten your stress level. It takes discipline to date yourself, journal, take bathes, mediate, etc…all while working, being a good partner, friend, and family member. But I am finding the return on investment is more than I ever expected. In a good way. It feels amazing. And it actually allows me to realize there is even more to be thankful for than I originally thought. Mainly because I am being more present in the moment through my mindfulness work which allows me to appreciate more little moments in time.

No need to do a 5year project like me, but writing a note or listing what you are thankful for every once and awhile can go a long way. Try it. Focus on some of the little quiet moments as well. What are you thankful for?

Competition. It is a word that has always been in my life because I was an active athletic girl (and now woman) who loved to compete. I loved competing in sports against myself, my peers, and rivals. Now as an adult, I realized there is still a lot of competition occurring unconsciously all around us. And definitely not just in the sports arena. I know you may think this is obvious. 

But I think a question we often don’t ask ourselves individually is…who are we competing against in our daily life? Our coworkers? Ourselves? Our sister? Our brother? Friends? Lover? Other family? And why are we competing? Is it all materialistic? Is it for attention? Is it to feel a certain emotion? 

I realized that I was competing more than I realized beyond athletic endeavors. And it was definitely not a conscious thing. And so I have challenged myself to be present, realize why I am competing and with whom? And then ask the question, is this necessary or do I need to change my behavior or action? And most of the time, the answer is yes.

Life is hard enough without so much competition. Don’t get me wrong, at times competition can be healthy and actually produce some great actions. It can also be toxic and unnecessary. Once I started doing this, I realized that it also started to eliminate some emotions that I don’t particularly like- jealousy being a big one. And it felt really good.

So I challenge you (like I have been challenging myself) to look in the mirror and ask who are you competing with and why?