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Sunday Morning Walks

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I sometimes underestimate the power of a Sunday morning walk. I live in a city and it is the best time of the week/day to walk. The city is sleeping, you notice more of its beauty, it whispers to you as you walk…sometimes screams to you…to look at the architecture, everyone is so happy on these walks, and it is day of hope. The church bells are ringing, the sun is peaking through the clouds as the day opens up, and it is just so calm. It is a form of mediation for me. I usually do restorative yoga on Sunday evenings. If I can’t attend due to my schedule, then I always go for a Sunday morning walk. Today I went for two hours. Somedays I don’t want it to end and want the morning to stay forever so I can walk for hours. Somedays I like a companion to walk in silence with or to chat with as we see parts of the city for the first time (things we go by every day but just notice). And other times I just want the stillness of my own breath and my own thoughts. And every time, I love it and appreciate the nature and peace of it.  I come back from it restored, renewed, and re-energized.

What is your equivalent to a Sunday morning walk?

Sisters

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I took this picture while I was in Greece with my sister a few years back. We were walking during a quiet morning in Oai (Santorini). Not many people were out but these two women were having this quiet, sweet moment holding hands and watching the water. They stood there for quite awhile. And Nicole and I were doing the same thing when we looked over and noticed them. It made me think this will be us in our old age (god willing we live that long). It felt like such a genuine, magical, touching moment I had to capture it on camera. It reminds me how powerful and simple love and companionship can be with a sister/friend.

This picture now sits in a frame on my bookshelf. And it reminds me of the importance of the love you have with a sister. My sister is my joy. My happiness. My best friend. She is my life partner who will be next to me through it all. Here on earth and beyond. She is my soul sister….literally.

Family is precious. I have a great love with my dad, my brother, my mom (even in her death), and my sister. I hope all of you have an unconditional love like mine. My heart is so full. The relationships are far from perfect, but I love them because of their imperfections, the way we keep loving and supporting each other through it all, and the thought that no matter what our blood and bond is unbreakable.

And today, I remember that moment and the love my sister and I have for each other. It is so unique. Two women who have shared moments in life that no one else has and lean on our quiet strength.

There is nothing like a sisterly love. We use to live together and it really evolved our relationship. And now when I see her, it is less frequent. And it makes me cherish every minute. A moment with my sister refuels me for a long time. She re-energizes me and my heart swells with love.

There is nothing like a moment with your sister. Those moments I will and do always cherish. I hope you do too.

Fearless…My Valentine

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My valentine to all my loves. My family, my friends, my man, myself…….

I chose love over fear. I chose to love each of you.

Our two most fundamental emotions are love and fear. Fear is often  the thing that prevents us from a full capacity of love. And love can shrink fear into non-existence. Love makes us move towards someone, fear makes us shrink away.

My self challenge: Today (and hopefully most days) I chose love. I’m going to commit to being as fearless as I can each day.

Love to all on this Valentine’s Day.

Balance

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Each day I remember and try to practice balance. Some days it works out well, some days I fail. It is hard to maintain balance and not let work, duties, chores, or one part of your life outweigh the rest. It is my constant Achilles heel and my constant struggle. I realize that each day I am successful at balance, I feel more fulfilled. Even if that means forcing myself to the gym, or to visit with a friend when I’m exhausted or making dinner with my love or sleeping vs that extra hour of TV or even getting organized.

Downtime is key in balance. Someone gave me advice once and I try to do it as much as possible. They said to always ensure you get at least 2 hrs. of downtime to yourself a week. Use the hours however you choose, but always find time to relax. It re-energizes you and your soul. I like to think this is separate from workouts. It is quiet time. A drive, a book, mediation, a walk….something that is calming and quiets your mind.

I’ve spent most of my time talking about mind and soul and not body. But the balance in the body is just as important to living a full life. Balance in diet, in sleep, in exercise, in hydration, and in centering your being.

Balance is often forgotten about because we think it is impossible. I’m not sure work/life balance is about what we think it is these days. To me, it is about finding time throughout your day to breathe, be present, and enjoy a smile, a laugh, or nature. Sometimes that takes you more towards family or work or chores or friends. But being present creates balance as well. I was driving home from work after a very long today….too long. I had worked until 9pm and I was exhausted. And resentful of my work and the things I had missed in my day because of it. And I got stuck in traffic and was grumpy. And then I looked up to see the city. Really see it.  I started to admire the beautiful view of the city skyline. And I found my breathe was taken away by the beauty of nature and the city. And for me, it re-centered me. I was present and appreciated my surroundings vs yelling at the car around me to speed up to get home. That moment balanced me. Be present and those little opportunities help to keep things in perspective.

Perspective gives us balance. Nothing is secure but life, change, and your spirit. Keep your heart and spirit open and things keep in balance.

I am writing this tonight to remind myself of this as I go into the week. Last week, I had more unbalanced days than balanced and my goal this week is to reverse that. I challenge you to try this as well!

Balance quote

Moments

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“Wherever you go, go with all your heart!” Confucius (551-479 BCE)

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This week has reminded me how important it is to live in the moment. We only have today. Who knows about tomorrow. So I want to remind you and me to live in the moment with no regrets. Love with all your heart (Happy Valentine’s day by the way!), don’t let the worry of tomorrow ruin the present, and make sure everyone you care about knows how you feel about them. As all we know we have is today.

So today, I challenge you to live in the moment. A few thoughts for today on Valentine’s Day from a book I read on a regular basis. I pull a few bullets each week to practice. The book is 1001 Ways to Live in the Moment by Barbara Ann Kipfer. I highly recommend this book!:

·        Forgiving soul: Some people find that forgiveness is one of the hardest qualities to summon. However, if you live truly in the present, so that the past simply falls away, forgiveness ceases to require any effort; it’s what’s left when resentments are annihilated by acceptance.

·        Life savings: If you take care of the moments, the years will take care of themselves.

·        Respect each moment: The whole of the life is but a moment of time. It is our duty therefore, to use it, not to misuse it.

·        Open soul: The windows of my soul I throw wide open to the sun.

·        Daily wealth: The days are of most profit to him or her who act always in love.

And if all else fails, eat a cookie! Or as my mom use to say….Laugh. “The most wasted day of all is one in which you have not laughed. Make sure to laugh” Sally Kidston (1952-1995)

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Simple things are sometimes the best

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This saying made me laugh and is so true. It made me want to eat a pizza too.

While you can’t make everyone happy because you are not a pizza. Sometimes a pizza can make you happy! Sometimes the best medicine is just doing something simple for yourself and then everything feels better. A bath, a good movie, a glass of wine, a good night’s sleep, chocolate, and/or a pizza solves it all.  I like all of them on one night when I really need an escape!

Nothing too deep with this post….just simple medicine for refueling. What helps you unwind and refuel during a hectic or stressful time? Give me some ideas!!

 

 

Date Yourself: Don’t forget to fall in love with yourself first

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As Carrie Bradshaw said “The most exciting, significant and challenging relationship of all is the one you have with yourself.” Take yourself out on dates no matter what you are juggling. Understanding your feelings, reactions, what you enjoy, and keeping your own identity is so important. It also makes us more interesting as people.

I started doing this more when I read a book last year called the Artist Way. It is an incredible book if anyone is interested in a great read. It has been around for  a while and it really is awesome. I will read it again in a year or two. It is 12 chapters and each chapter you then practice for the week (so think of it as a 12 week program almost). Early on you learn to take yourself out on artist dates and you keep those going throughout the 12 weeks. Dates just with yourself to find your creativity and in some ways who you are again. As adults, we lose our imagination, creativity and playfulness. At least I do. I get stuck in all the adult things and forget to still go back to some of the basics to keep up with my own self dating. Those self-dates (reminder…do these by yourself) can be 15-30 minute walks/runs in a new environment, trying a new workout class by yourself, going shopping in a new part of town, going to a museum to look at art, etc. One of my silliest dates is a dance party for one. Every few months, I turn on the radio (iTunes, Spotify, Pandora, etc) to fun dance songs. And I just dance and sing by myself with no one else around. I close my door and just go at it in my own world for 15 minutes. Longer if I can. It is so fun! It helps me find my playfulness.

I know for many, you don’t think you have time to do this. You have work, families, and a 1,000 errands to run. But you will be surprised. There are always 15-30 minutes to yourself. Whether it is to journal, read, sit in the car and just mediate between carpools, etc. If you cut back on 30 minutes of TV….what time does that free up? Or can you negotiate with your spouse/partner to watch the kids for 30-60 minutes each week so you can take yourself on a date? It is quite liberating to sit at a nice bar and have a glass of wine by yourself and just enjoy. Once a week, that is my continued goal. Sometimes my dates are a short 15 minutes and sometimes they are a few hours. Just depends on the week.

It is easier for me right now because I don’t have children. I do have a demanding job where I travel, a relationship and lots of other obligations but I do realize kids take it to a whole new level. Anyway, even without that added challenge, it took me a long time to do this. Where I just started doing things for myself, by myself, to keep getting to know who I was as a person as I continue to age. Especially when you have a partner, work, friends, family, etc….your time gets so sucked up. You forget you still have some control over it.  It is easy to lose yourself in the process and forget what makes you happy, sad, and fulfilled. We have a tendency as women, at least I do, to worry about everyone else’s needs. I have been doing this my whole life. I think it comes from when my mom died and I wanted to see everyone else be okay in my family and I took on that motherly role. I also want to see my friends happy and my love. So I end up compromising or just simply losing myself at times. Not setting boundaries. Or not finding time for myself. So I discovered, I need to date myself just like I date my partner in order to stay connected to me.

I now love my time to date myself. I hope I don’t lose it. And if I do, I will be dusting off the Artist Way to reconnect or my dancing shoes for my dance party for one! Reconnect with your creativity and the things you love about yourself that you may be losing or lost.

And have some fun! Be silly and enjoy!

 

 

Boundaries

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Boundaries…..I’m learning boundaries. The ability to say No OR Yes more at work, with friends, with family, and with a love. And learning when I’m being too rigid, too flexible, too much of a push over, too accommodating, too generous, too introverted, or too lazy. It is all about boundaries. When I create them and hold myself accountable to them, my life seems to become a little easier and fulfilling. I take back my time and joy.  With boundaries, I realize I can breathe, pause, and relax a bit. Try it. Set a boundary. Stick to it for a week and see how your life changes. It can be as simple as saying no to the TV show in order to take a long hot bath with a good book, glass of wine, or magazine OR to get an extra hour of sleep. You will feel better and more relaxed.

Draw a line in the sand.

 

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Oldest I’ve been and the youngest I’ll ever be again….

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Start to my 37th Year:

I turned 37 this week. My life is not what I expected at this point. Like everyone else, you think you are going to have a certain life and very rarely does it turn out how you planned. My work has blown up quicker than I thought and I am still learning to find a long lasting love. I don’t have a family yet. I’m physically in better shape than I expected. I’m financially more secure than I expected. I’m feeling wiser in some ways and still lost in others. And I am starting to realize that my life goals are changing. Not sure what that all means yet, but I am learning to adapt and be more flexible as I get older and to live in the present. I got a book awhile back on 1001 Ways to Live in the Moment. Each day I read one idea and try it. Sometimes I have to practice it a few days to get the message. Others come naturally. My challenge to myself and you is to live in the moment. Don’t put pressure on a future that we haven’t yet seen. And to learn to be happy in the moment you are in. I’m better at this but I have a long way to go. I’m learning being engaged in a conversation, a book, a walk in nature, an interaction with a stranger….it can all have meaning and shape your life. So embrace it. We can’t predict the future. But we can be present to enjoy the journey right in front of us. Because of this new found appreciation for staying in the moment, I decided to start a one sentence happiness project that will last 5 years. I started on my birthday, writing one sentence explaining what I am thankful for today in that moment. I still write a full journal which includes a longer list of what I am thankful for each day. But this project is about capturing a moment each day that is special. And appreciate that one moment in time. Living in the day.

This also brings me to the topic of thankfulness. So often we get caught up in all that is wrong. Critically looking at the world, your family, friends, a lover, people at work, etc. It is so easy to be negative. Most documentaries, news broadcast, articles, social media, etc tend to look at things from a skeptical point of view. There are so many dark sides to life. And while I definitely don’t think we should ignore what is happening that is bad in the word, turn a blind eye or not move to action to address real problems, I do think we need to also focus equal energy on the good in the world and all around us. Hope, love, and kindness is happening all day long. So each day, take a minute to also focus your energy on acknowledging that too. Instead of always focusing on the negatives and picking apart the one’s you love, focus on the amazing things. We often take the good things for granted and tear each other down. Remember to celebrate the awesomeness too! I do this by writing it all down in my journal each day- all the great moments and little pieces of people I love. However, I realized I don’t then vocalize it. So for me, I need to work on making sure the people around me hear it as well. And strangers too.

There is an employee at the grocery store I go to that is so positive. Every time I see him, he has a huge smile on his face, says hello, and goes out of his way to make each person he sees feel like they are special- like he really saw you and was genuinely excited to say hello. I realized on some days, he literally turns my attitude around. He makes me smile, makes me feel in that moment important and cared for and if he can do that every day to strangers, why can’t I do that more myself. I told him this recently. He just smiled and said how could I not be happy to be alive and to be kind to people?- we are all just trying our best and we need to support each other. I saw him again tonight as I got my groceries for the week. I was in a negative mood, had a kind of depressing birthday weekend…just grumpy and not feeling at my best and he changed my attitude. I started to write this tonight and realized, I need to focus on the positives vs sulk. I need to be thankful for everything I have at 37 verses focus on what I don’t. Everyone does. There is always something we want that we don’t have. But we spend too much time thinking about that vs appreciated what is right in front of us. Sometimes it is as simple as being thankful we actually have the opportunity to try again tomorrow and embrace it. As my mom had up in her bedroom entrance…..The most wasted day of all is one in which you have not laughed. So I’m going to enjoy life a bit more. Laugh a bit more. Not give a shit a bit more. And not put so much pressure on myself. My life will play out just as it is supposed to as long as I am living it and being present.

2016 Sunrise

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As I start 2016 I did a great exercise to reflect on 2015, to learn from my success and failure and set some realistic goals for the year to come. It is a great exercise and highly recommend doing it. Start the year by refueling and re-energizing for the year to come! A sunrise to the year….a time to start over or redo or repeat. Here is the link:
http://yearcompass.com/